by Madeline Laughs
Nikki Frank-Hamilton and I became friendly after meeting in an online blogging group. We were tasked with writing a blog a day as well as reading everyone’s submissions and sharing them. We became enamoured with each other’s style and have remained loyal readers of each other’s work since then.
I asked Nikki about her beginning as a writer.
I started in 2010 and let it die. I just did not understand what I had my hands on! I started writing again in late 2012.
Nikki had read a chapter story I had written on my own blog. This story is a horrific tale, based on a real life experience for me. She was intrigued about how I could tell this story and put so many raw emotions out there without batting an eyelash. I remember explaining to her that in writing about my pain, it released me from continuing to process it.
So Nikki began telling her own story.
The “Letting Go” series is all about telling my secrets in order to take away their power. I have always been someone who “swallows” all my deep pain, I don’t talk about it, I talk around it, I don’t grieve I just lock it away and try to forget about it. By not dealing with pain and grief I have not only hurt myself, but others. It may have seemed to some that I did not care, but I cared so much that thinking about it would have killed me. “Swallowing” my pain is a defense mechanism, and I have relied on it to get myself through to the next day, next week, next breath…actually. But locking away the pain kept it inside of me, I never let it go, I am just realizing that.
Letting Go is a poignant story that covers years of her life during her first marriage. It spins and weaves and leaves you breathless with anticipation for the next chapter. You end up just having to know what comes next and you can feel and experience every second of her pain right along with her as she relives a piece of her own history that had remained buried deep for so many years.
I reread my last chapters to put myself back into the time and place. At times I will write chapter after chapter in one sitting, but times like now…I know what is coming and I am avoiding it, so I have not written a chapter in a week or so.
When I sit down to write, I write until all the words are gone, then I read, edit, read, edit, read, edit…search for photos, read, edit. Sometimes when I want to understand myself and my brain…the “why’s”… I will do research on Google for hours and then incorporate that into my article.
She and I have chatted briefly about her state of mind and her feelings and her process while she is writing this delicate piece. It has been one of the most difficult, and yet, one of the most rewarding projects she has embarked upon.
I have always been told that I think differently than most people.
I like to ask lots of questions, absorb the information, spin it around in my mind and then form my own interpretation. I may not always be politically correct, but I like being different!
I am also writing to learn about myself, for myself and my family. Now that I can look back, in hindsight, I can assess my decisions and my actions. I have changed how I parent and how I associate with others. I can see that I did not know or truly like myself when I was younger. I was looking for others to give me validation.
Thank you Nikki for every word you write and for every tear that has brought all of us closer to you. May you always have something to share with us because we will always be here ready to soak it all in.
You can find Nikki Frank-Hamilton on the Internet on her own blog, View From in Here and also at Focusing In On the Fort. She can also be found on Facebook on her two fanpages; View From in Here and Focusing In On the Fort.